i am tired, but i am always tired. tirednes = my usual state of being. or hunger.

i've been reading over some of my past blogs. some are good and others are a bit too dramatic for my taste. i can't believe some of the silliness that i write. it still baffles me that medill decided to give me a degree. i never learned how to spell properly before, during or after my four years at northwestern and my grammar sucks. part of me believes that roger boyd lurks, lingers and records every mispelling that i make waiting for me to reach the magic number of 350,989 and then he can "yoink" my degree away from me. not that it would do any damage to my livelyhood. art directors are not expected to have degrees from northwestern much less medill, but i do think my parents would be heart-broken that all their hard-earned money had gone to waste. wonder if roger did take back my degree if he would let me wrestle him for it? or maybe i could bring up the point that when they gave me my degree they had misspelled my name on it and that is the BIGGEST mistake any medildo can make. hmmm…blackmail.

it is time for bed and sleep and dreams about silly things that i can't remember in the morning.

things of note:

the detroit cobras
www.detroit-cobras.com/
i saw them play at double door on friday night. they fucking rocked!!! the music has a rock-a-billy/older 50s sound to it. nice soulful deep throated female singer that grabs you and makes you scream for more. the lead singer is an amazing strong female front person. sexy and tough and everything a woman should be. all the boys and the girls in the audience fell in love with her, even me. been listening to their album at work and it makes me want to get sassy and sexy with everyone. yeehaw!!

i am another year older today. i have hit 29. i am almost 30. that sounds so old, yet i feel so young. I really don't feel much older than 24 or 25 and most people who don't know me so well would swear i was only that old. (closer friends who remember my 24 and 25 birthday are oh, so much wiser. or just better informed.) I rejoice in the knowledge that i have much more to live, experience, explore and expose in my life. I sit back and look at all the changes that have happened in the last year, and ponder what twists and kinks my life will follow in the next 365 days. If so much can happen just a single year, trying to reach forward 5 to 10 years to expose the outlines for future is completely ridiculous and insurmountable. sometimes it is easier to linger and run your mind through the grooves of the past. a collection of these grooves from the past year: panic attacks and depression that pushed me to the brink of my being, walking away from what i thought was the love of my life, pulling myself out of the deep emotional hole filled with fear and self-doubt and finding a strength and beauty within myself that i never thought i had, reconnecting with friends and life with a deeper love of what both bring to me. discovery through a broken heart, yoga, acupuncture, exercise, chinese herbs, discussions with loved ones, and texts on buddhism. it was a hard year, but good. i wouldn't trade any of the pain, fear or hope that i encountered and i look forward to the same amount of entropy and craziness in the year to come.

memories for today: getting a barbie cake at work. it fucking rocked!! she was brunette and had a pink dress on. all the lovely birthday wishes people sent or told me. having dinner and mojitos with josh. indian food with the girls for lunch. a day filled with few spells of dizziness or panic attacks. walking home a mile in a blizzard absorbing the quiet still beauty of the city. i think that last one was the perfect birthday gift. a snowglazed walk alone through virgin snowlined streets listening to my ipod as i smile at the simple perfection of the night.